Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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