And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
