i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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