I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
