Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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