my vag is so smooth its legendary
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
