i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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