you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
