I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
