i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
