things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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