I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
