i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
