Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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