I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
