i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
