i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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