Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
