Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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