Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
