Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
