This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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