I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
