every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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