Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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