I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Someone came in the potted fern
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
