Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
