You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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