He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
