I wanna passion pit in your ass
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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