just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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