dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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