The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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