Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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