haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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