I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
