I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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