you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would ride that face into the sunset
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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