dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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