not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
