I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
