i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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