I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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