Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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