in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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