I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
