The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
