Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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