Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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