Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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