Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
