Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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