Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my poor anus
BRING THE BAGELS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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