If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
