Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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