it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
