right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
