spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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