Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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