somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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