just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
