i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
