Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
