Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
