my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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