After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.