I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT