Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
