I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
