Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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