Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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